Introduction: how to treat a staff infection -- Temporary paralysis: widespread inability to make decisions -- Permanent dilation of the pupils: an extravagant taste for the spectacular and most expensive -- Stiff neck: "ownership" of a specific church program -- Swollen brain: a firm belief that "I pretty much know it all already" -- Underdeveloped brain: it's gotta be new to be good -- High blood pressure: a belief in reaching people for Christ through outrageous activities -- Flaccidity of the lips: gossip is passed off as "prayer requests" -- Lack of large motor coordination: a habitual pattern of arriving late -- Permanent paralysis: an urgent ministry need merely leads to inertia -- Narcissism: what do you do when you are the problem? -- Central nervous system disorder: when the board and the leadership team are out of sync -- Conjunctivitis: an attitude that volunteers are not dependable -- Rigidity of the body: too fixed in one place to budge; even an inch -- Blocked carotid arteries: when the supervisor is the problem -- General diagnosis, treatment, and prevention: principles to consider -- Establishing a positive and encouraging bedside manner: building an appreciative and affirming culture -- Working with unpaid staff: similarities with and differences from paid staff.